Anak Ayam

Kalau ditanya apakah aku suka hewan, jawabannya sudah pasti ya. Sejak kecil aku sudah memelihara beberapa jenis hewan. Yang pertama dulu tupai yang entah dari mana bisa ayah temukan dan bawa pulang. Yang kedua, kelinci. Sangat lucu, bulunya putih seperti salju dan matanya merah. Yang ketiga, hamster. Kubeli saat pergi ke pasar malam. Namun akhir dari kisahku dan hewan selalu sama; kami berpisah. Tupai dan hamsterku mati, sementara kelinciku kabur saat aku dan adikku sedang bermain. Sejak saat itu, mama tidak pernah mengijinkan aku untuk piara hewan lagi. Mungkin baginya, aku masih belum bertanggung jawab. Mamaku tidak pernah menganggap hewan hanya sekadar hewan. Mama selalu memandang mereka sebagai makhluk hidup yang butuh dirawat.

Saat SMA, aku tidak sengaja hampir menginjak anak ayam di halaman rumah nenekku. Yang pertama kupikirkan setelah kejadian itu bukannya penyesalan, namun malah kekaguman karena ya ampun, ayam kecil ternyata sangat lucu! Ketika aku meminta izin untuk memelihara anak ayam tersebut, mamaku mengiyakan dengan mudah. Aku sangat senang, mungkin menurut mama aku sudah dapat dipercaya mengingat umurku yang sudah menginjak 15 tahun. Setiap hari aku memberinya makan sambil membelai sayap kuningnya yang kecil. Anak ayam itu benar-benar hanya seukuran setengah telapak tanganku dan sangat menggemaskan. Namun ternyata nasib anak ayamku sama seperti hewan lain yang pernah kupelihara, ia mati setelah dua minggu kubawa ke rumah.

Hingga saat ini aku tidak pernah berencana memelihara hewan lagi. Meskipun aku sering berkeinginan membawa pulang kucing-kucing jalanan yang berkeliaran, aku tidak pernah benar-benar melakukannya. Aku memaafkan diriku sendiri saat tupai dan hamsterku mati, pun saat kelinciku kabur. Namun, aku sulit memaafkan diriku sendiri saat anak ayamku hanya bertahan dua minggu. Aku, diumurku yang sudah remaja, ternyata belum bisa memikul tanggung jawab kehidupan makhluk lain.

Suatu hari di kampus aku bertemu teman yang pendiam. Ia sangat mirip diriku yang dahulu, berpikiran A sampai Z namun tidak pernah mengungkapkan. Alasannya sederhana, karena aku dahulu—dan dia sekarang—merasa itu tidak perlu. Selain mirip diriku, aku merasa temanku ini mirip anak ayamku yang sudah mati. Bukan karena suaranya yang kecil dan mencicit—suaranya normal bahkan cenderung berat. Namun karena aku melihat ia sangat rapuh, persis anak ayamku yang ukurannya kurang dari sekepal genggaman jari.

“Bagaimana memulai sebuah pertemanan?” pertanyaannya padaku melalui media percakapan di internet.

Aku tidak segera membalasnya, melainkan hanya tertegun memandang layar ponselku. Kemudian aku bergumam, separuh berbisik kepada diriku sendiri. Memangnya bagaimana?

“Aku nggak tahu,” balasku singkat.

Ada beberapa pertanyaan di dunia ini yang lebih mudah ketimbang soal ujian tengah semester mata kuliah lingustik, tapi mungkin saking mudahnya, kita tidak pernah benar-benar memikirkan jawabannya.

“Kenapa kamu mau berteman sama aku?” ia bertanya lagi.

Apa pentingnya? Aku mengernyitkan alis sebelah kanan tanda heran. Anak ini kenapa sih pertanyaannya aneh-aneh?

“Memangnya kenapa?” aku membalas dengan sedikit harapan ia akan menyudahi pertanyaan anehnya.

“Aku mau tahu. Jawab dong.”

Oke, sepertinya harapanku sia-sia. Jadi kubalas saja pesannya, “Aku juga nggak tahu. Tiba-tiba aja kita berteman. Aku juga lupa awalnya. Hm.. gara-gara tugas kelompok leksiko bukan? Kayaknya iya deh. Memang kenapa, sih?”

“Hehe, kan aku udah bilang kalau mau tahu. Menurutmu kenapa karena tugas itu kita jadi berteman? Kan bisa saja habis presentasi kita nggak ngobrol lagi. Makanya aku mikir, bagaimana memulai sebuah pertemanan, karena kayaknya kita nggak mulai apa-apa tapi tiba-tiba berteman.”

Aku tertawa membaca balasannya. Temanku satu ini memang persis anak ayamku. Selain rapuh, kadang ia bisa tiba-tiba berisik sendiri, terlepas dari sikapnya sehari-hari yang dingin.

“Kamu kayak anak ayamku. Berisik.” Balasku.

“Lucu, dong. Siapa namanya?”

“Nyam-nyam, tapi udah mati.”

“JAHAT BANGET!”

Lagi-lagi aku terkekeh pelan. Sejujurnya aku jadi memikirkan pertanyaannya tadi. Mungkin aku tidak tahu bagaimana memulai sebuah pertemanan, tapi bukan berarti aku tidak pernah melakukan. Pasti aku melakukan, karena suatu hal tidak akan berjalan tanpa awalan. Tapi bisa saja awalan itu tidak terasa terlalu penting karena ternyata jauh lebih menyenangkan setelah dijalani. Bisa saja, kan?

“Buat beberapa hal, nggak penting kita tahu gimana mulainya, yang penting kita senang waktu menjalani.” Kutekan tombol kirim di layar ponselku.

Temanku itu seperti punya kolam di kepalanya, isinya pikirannya sendiri. Kadang aku sampai berusaha agar tidak tertidur karena ceritanya bisa memakan waktu 15 menit untuk satu kisah saja. Dengan mulutku ini, aku pasti hanya melakukannya dalam 2 menit. Kolam di kepalanya ini bagaikan ada sumbatan sehingga pikiran yang keluar melalui mulutnya hanya sedikit-sedikit.

Kadang ia merasa orang lain keren, bisa berbicara cepat, runtut dan mudah dipahami. Sementara ia merasa kemampuannya berkomunikasi tidak sehebat itu. Ia juga merasa kebanyakan orang yang suka berbicara juga suka mengeluh, dan itu merupakan salah satu hal yang tidak ia suka. Makanya ia selalu memilih diam, hanya berbicara yang perlu.

Pesanku tidak dibalas. Mungkin ia sudah tidur, atau mungkin ia sedang berpikir. Aku tidak masalah berteman dengan orang berisik maupun orang yang irit bicara. Setidaknya karena berteman dengannya, aku sekarang sedikit bisa memaafkan diriku sendiri perkara tanggung jawab yang selama ini kupikir belum kumiliki. Ya, memang belum sih. Tapi setidaknya aku berani mencoba mengasuh ‘anak ayam’ lainnya. Meskipun aku tidak harus memberi makan dan membersihkan kandang, tapi aku tahu aku harus merawat mereka. Entah itu dengan menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan tidak penting, mendengarkan cerita-cerita sedih, membantu memilihkan kalimat yang tepat saat diajak jalan oleh kakak kelas, apapun itu selama membuat mereka bahagia, aku akan berusaha melakukan. kebahagiaan, satu-satunya hal yang bisa kurawat dan membuktikan aku bisa bertanggung jawab dengan makhluk lain.

Seandainya temanku yang persis anak ayamku yang sudah mati ini tahu bahwa ia tidak perlu ceria seperti orang lain kalau memang itu tidak membuatnya nyaman. Seandainya ia tahu jika sifat kalemnya yang bikin mengantuk itu bisa membuatku sadar dan percaya diri bahwa aku bisa bertanggung jawab lagi. Tapi aku tidak akan memberi tahu, sih. Kalau suatu saat ia memutuskan untuk membersihkan kolam di kepalanya sehingga sumbatannya hilang, aku tetap akan senang untuknya, kok.

Mungkin setelah kuliah multikultural besok aku akan membawa pulang anak-anak kucing di depan gerbang fakultas. Sepertinya kini aku siap!


with the thought of a friend, M.

and those who think it’s weird to keep silent. No it’s not, as long as you want to.

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BUMI

Aku hanya bisa tersenyum sinis melihat mereka—yang menamai diri sebagai pengikut sains—dengan gagahnya berteriak bahwa bumi itu bulat. Bukan, aku bukan penganut flat earth, hanya saja aku juga tidak percaya seutuhnya kalau bumi itu bulat.

“Merah! Kuning! Biru!” teriak laki-laki berusia 19 tahun di depanku yang sedang bermain balok warna; kakakku.

Aku memerhatikannya sembari berpikir. Kalau bumi itu bulat, kenapa masih ada satu kotak melingkupi diriku dengan label normal, dan kotak lain melingkupi kakakku dengan label idiot? Atau jangan-jangan hanya bumiku saja yang bulat, dimana orang-orangnya stabil, dapat berkomunikasi dengan baik, dan dapat melakukan segala hal dengan mandiri. Bumi kakakku mungkin kotak, isinya hanya orang-orang seperti dia yang makan saja harus disuap bahkan di umurnya yang ke-19 ini. Bumi kakakku sering terabaikan, mungkin karena tidak bulat, buminya mudah untuk didorong ke pojok untuk dilupakan, atau kalau masih ada yang berperasaan ya dikasihani. Karena buminya yang kotak ini kakakku sering kali meringkuk di sudut-sudutnya sambil menangis, atau tertawa sendiri tanpa ada yang melawak. Orang-orang biasa saja melihatnya, kan bumi mereka bulat, mereka hanya sesekali ikut tertawa karena ya ampun, lucu sekali orang ini tertawa sendiri, jelas saja kan dia idiot, mungkin itu gumaman mereka. Kalau kakakku mulai meracau dan berteriak karena terganggu lalat yang lewat saat diajak ibu belanja di pasar, orang-orang dari bumiku, bumi bulat, akan menoleh dan mengernyit. Kalau teriakan kakakku makin melengking dan mulai memukul-mukul kepalanya sendiri, orang-orang akan berhenti dengan wajah shock, seakan-akan beberapa detik setelahnya kakakku akan mengeluarkan bom dari balik selimut yang menutupi kakinya diatas kursi roda. Sekarang paham kenapa aku bilang kalau aku tidak percaya bumi itu bulat, kan?

“MAU HIJAU! HIJAU! AMBILKAN HIJAU!” mata kakakku bergerak cepat ke kanan dan kiri, mencari benda dengan warna hijau yang tidak dapat ditangkap indera penglihatannya.

Aku mengambil balok hijau di belakangnya dan meletakkan balok tersebut di tangannya. Kakakku tertawa, rongga mulutnya memperlihatkan giginya yang besar dan renggang berbaris rapi. Ku usap perlahan puncak kepalanya, tawanya melambat dan kini membentuk lekukan senyum dengan lesung pipi tipis tertanam di pipi kanannya. Di buminya yang kotak ini kakakku pasti merasa sepi. Semua orang di buminya selalu lari ke zona nyamannya sendiri-sendiri, ke sudut-sudut bumi yang jauh dari jangkauan agar tidak lekas merasa terusik. Sementara di bumiku yang bulat, orang-orang sibuk sekali bersosialisasi. Bahkan, karena sangat ingin saling terhubung, mereka menciptakan teknologi dimana orang bisa saling berbicara tanpa perlu bertatap muka. Orang bisa terjun dari curug di Sukabumi, bisa menyelami laut di Lombok, dan menunjukkan pada orang lain tanpa perlu mengajak orang tersebut. Di bumiku yang bulat, kami dituntut agar jangan lengah berkomunikasi, karena kalau lengah berarti harus siap-siap dijauhi. Apa namanya ya… Oh! Kudet. Kurang update. Kalau kita tidak mengikuti dinamisme maka kita akan dijuluki dengan panggilan itu. Sebenarnya, meskipun kami bergerombol di titik tengah bumi kami yang bulat sembari mengobrol, bercanda, dan lain sebagainya, namun di dasar hati kami lebih sepi daripada orang-orang di bumi kakakku yang kotak dan suka menyendiri di sudut-sudutnya. Banyak dari kami yang melakukannya hanya demi harga diri; agar tidak terlihat menyedihkan karena tak punya teman. Banyak juga yang tulus, sih. Tapi makna tulus yang paling kuat kutangkap malah bukan dari bumiku, melainkan dari bumi kakakku. Iya, dari bumi berbentuk kotak itu. Contohnya saat itu aku tidak sengaja menginjak baloknya yang berserakan di lantai dan jatuh tersungkur, membuat kakakku langsung marah dan membanting semua baloknya karena melihatku meringis kesakitan. Esoknya dia tidak mau bermain balok lagi selama seminggu. Aku kesal juga sebenarnya, itu kan salah kakakku yang tidak mau membereskan mainannya. Tapi aku lumayan terharu, kakakku ternyata tidak mau melihatku kesakitan. Pernah juga suatu hari aku terlambat memberikan jeli rasa stroberi kesukaannya karena di tempat lesku hujan deras dan pulangku jadi telat. Ia merangsek ke arahku saat baru membuka pintu dan menunjuk-nunjuk wajahku dengan ekpresi kesal seraya berteriak, “JELI!”. Namun saat kubuka tas dan mengambil jeli miliknya, ekspresi wajahnya berubah 180 derajat menjadi sangat bahagia diiringi tepukan kecil dari tangannya yang besar. Kemudian ia menarik tanganku dan mengajak untuk makan jeli bersama sambil menonton televisi. Kakakku tidak pernah marah lebih dari 5 detik, dan dia tak pernah mengingat kemarahannya apalagi menjadikannya dendam. Selama 16 tahun aku hidup, aku belum pernah merasakan ketulusan seperti itu. Aku berani jamin aku tidak akan pernah merasakannya lagi bahkan sampai aku berusia 70 tahun.

“main?” kakakku menarik ujung lengan bajuku, matanya yang bulat dan cokelat susu menatap lurus kearahku.

Aku menggeleng, sambil terus memerhatikannya yang kembali asyik menyusun balok warna. Kata orang-orang dari bumiku yang bulat, kami mirip. Bentuk wajahnya sama dengan wajahku; lonjong dengan batas rahang tegas dan tajam, kalau kata gadis-gadis dikelasku sih bisa untuk mengiris bawang. Warna iris mata kami pun sama-sama cokelat susu, turunan dari nenekku yang masih ada darah Belanda. Yang membuat kami berbeda hanyalah lesung pipi tipis di pipi kanan kakakku yang tidak kumiliki. Lesung pipinya, entah mengapa, menurutku lucu sekali. Itu membuatnya terlihat manis walau sedang berteriak-teriak. Mungkin itu juga tujuan Tuhan memberinya lesung pipi, agar ia tidak terlihat seram saat mengamuk, agar terlihat tetap rapuh walau tangannya siap menjambak siapapun yang lewat. Meskipun kata orang dari bumiku yang bulat ini kami mirip, tetap saja mereka meletakkan kami di struktur kelas sosial yang berbeda. Ya masuk akal sih, karena kakakku bukan dari bumi mereka, melainkan dari bumi lain yang bentuknya kotak. Kata orang-orang itu aku beruntung, terlahir tampan dan cerdas dengan kemampuan sosialisasi yang baik. Sementara kakakku, walaupun sama tampan, tapi dia kurang beruntung, karena harus seumur hidup bergantung pada ibu, ayah, dan aku. Mereka tidak tahu saja kalau kakakku itu sebenarnya lebih beruntung dariku. Dia bisa makan jeli rasa stroberi setiap hari tanpa harus dimarahi! Kalau aku melakukan itu, ibu pasti sudah menceramahiku tentang gula yang terkandung di jeli dapat membuat gigiku keropos. Tapi kata ibu, kami sama-sama beruntung karena punya ibu dan ayah yang menyayangi kami sama rata. Tentang itu aku setuju dengan ibu.

Walaupun bumi kami saat ini berbeda, bumiku berbentuk bulat dan buminya berbentuk kotak, namun dulu bumi kami pernah sama. Bumi kami elastis, bentuknya terserah saja, yang penting kami muat dan dapat bergerak bebas. Bumi itu bernama rahim ibu. Nanti, kalau aku dewasa dan tidak malas, bumi kami pasti akan sama lagi. Kali ini aku tidak mau memilih apakah bumi harus berbentuk bulat atau kotak, aku akan membuat bumi kami berbentuk seperti bunga. Terserah sajalah bunga apa, yang penting bunga. Supaya orang-orang yang hidup di permukaannya tetap indah sikapnya, tidak harus memisahkan orang seperti aku dan orang seperti kakakku dengan dikotomi-dikotomi yang mereka buat sendiri.


with the thought of my friend, N.
and to everyone with their siblings, love them for them despite anything.

Downpour

KUDAKPRO_2017-12-06-16-04-03_developed

-4 degrees. Seoul today, and it is the lowest temperature in this month. December 2023, exactly two years since my first arrival here. I remember it was also winter, my first time ever seeing snowflakes fell upon my hands, my shoes, my jacket; my first time ever inhaling oxygen in my dream city. It was cold, but not as cold as I thought. I could feel my teeth clicking but something made me keep smiling. My heart, and bunch of unexplainable exciting feelings inside.
The last bus will come in about 20 minutes. I sit on the long bench–with a longing heart. I was happy two years ago. I wrote my dreams on a A3-sized paper to be plastered on my wall once I get to the new dorm. It was nice to have dreams, just thinking of pursuing them made my blood flew faster from head to toe. At least that was what I felt in my few first months; happiness. Until that first problem came. I took my master degree in Seoul fully-funded by my country. And we–scholarship awardee–had been told before to not hoping too much. It was around July when I checked my bank account and found out that nothing had been sent, not even a sen. Good timing that it was Summer, I had my break time for a month so I went for a part time job. Everything seemed fine, I could handle my life and nothing serious happened.
I clench my fists to keep myself warm. I forgot to bring my gloves even though I know today is going to be real freezing. I think about home. And my mother. And my Father. And my Brother. I have this feeling lingers inside my chest for a long time but this time, 10 p.m at this quiet bus stop, it grows bigger and it feels more torturing. I miss them. And my little cat–which isn’t actually my cat but he sleeps mostly in my house anyway. My second problem came when it was around September last year. Still no money from the government, and I’ve spent more than half of my saving for a living. Autumn to winter, what a worst timing to suffer from hunger. It was cold and I need more fats, but all I could eat was beans, and ramen, and sometimes twice-heated curry. But it was still okay, I’d bear with any hardship as long as I don’t have problem with my study.
Winter wind becomes colder at night. Five more minutes and the bus will come. But since I came to Seoul time has been absurdly going faster and slower, matching it pace with my mood swings. Sometimes when I’m happy I wouldn’t know if the sun just set, because I felt like only laughed for about two minutes. But lately, time is running slower than ever. It began three months ago, when one of my professor told me to change my thesis title. Title. I already gave up my blood and tears for making it come true; I’m already half of my way and he suddenly told me to drastically change it. From the tittle to the conclusion. Title to conclusion. I told my mother I’ll come home soon. I told her to wait a little more. I told her that I’m only one step away from my master degree. I gave her hopes, but now I’m going backwards.
The snowflakes are falling down faster; it’s raining. I felt the chill spreading to my bones. I used to love winter and its cool breeze, but now not so much. Winter reminds me of dreams I once built, but I haven’t reach. Winter reminds me of how lonely I am, in a city I once dream to live in. Winter and its snowflakes and its freezing wind. I never felt so distant from my self, from my home. I never felt so lonely and missing my mother this much. I suddenly want to hug her, snuggle my giant feet into her tiny lap. It must be nice, to feel her warm breath blowing my neck. Please, just one time, I whispered. But nothing happens. I’m still here, at this quiet bus stop with cold bench and slippery pavement. I let the snowflakes touch my hands, my shoes, my jacket. It is cold but something is colder. My heart, and the unexpected wound that suddenly opens.

Some day, the cold rain will become warm tears
And fall down
It’s alright
It’s just a passing downpour


with the thought of my bestfriend, I.

read while listening to this song:

I.O.I – Downpour

 

I’ll See You at Seven

DEyBiyxUwAAz_II

4 p.m.
three hours to go, she said to herself.
keep calm, keep calm. what are you going to wear?
she got up from the chair and walked toward the cupboard to find her best clothes. she ended up with a deep sigh. she found nothing–there are 10 pairs of sweaters but she needed something more appealing.
“Kath, Can I borrow your dress?” she shouted from her room.
“do yourself a favor.” Kath, her elder sister, didn’t care about anything she does just like usual.
she went across her room–to Kath’s room–and began to try every flowery dress she could find. I need to look bright, she thought.

I’ll see you at seven, he said after they got off from school today. he looked slightly nervous, but he hid with a forced smile.
where?”
“amusement park over there?”
“okay..”
he is a senior, one year above her. she rarely got a chance to talk to him. in fact, today was the first day she talked to him. Tris, her friend, said that Johnny came to their class when she went to the restroom.
Johnny? that Dimple Guy Johnny?! you sure he was looking for me?” she couldn’t believe it at first.
yep. he even asked me, hey, are you by chance friends with Lisa? did you see her in class this morning? and I answered yes, she went to the restroom.”
why on earth would Johnny look for me? I mean, with every possibilities exist, why?” She still couldn’t just believe it.
Johnny. that Dimple Guy Johnny. that guy she saw in the first year at the library laughing with the madame while holding a book by Haruki Murakami. she hated that author, but the sight of a fine young man with a deep dimple on his left cheek had caught her off guard. she then met him accidentally several times; on her way to chemistry lab, at the front yard while she waited for her mom to pick her up, at the amusement park a hundred meters from school where she usually had a chit chat with her girls group. she learned his name is Johnny from her classmate who happened to be in the same middle school with him. he was popular back then because he played basketball. she once witnessed him playing basketball during his PE class–laughing charmingly like his usual laughter.
that Johnny who is a living portrait of her imaginary prince was looking for her.
what. a. news.
what did he said?” she asked her friend.
he didn’t say anything. he just left after I answered.”
she knew who Johnny was, everyone knew who Johnny was. but Johnny would probably never heard about her name. she was not that popular to be acknowledged by the school superstar. why would Johnny look for me?
she kept thinking about it she couldn’t focus on what Mrs. Dean said about the history of pyramid and stuff. Mrs. Dean was her all time favourite teacher and today she didn’t put any thought of what she taught. she felt guilty but she just couldn’t stop it.
the school bell rang, everyone ran out from class to corridor like mad dogs. she walked slowly as if the other kids are really sick and contagious. but actually she didn’t want to go home immediately, just in case Johnny would come up again.
and he did.
Lisa!” a deep voice called her from behind. she turned around.
hey.. uh, I was looking for you. I bet you already knew from your friend. so,uh.. do you by chance, have thought about going to the school annual party?” his voice trembled.
she, as far as she remembered, had never heard a guy trembling while asking to go to a party, and here is Johnny, her crush since the first year, doing everything all at once? asking her to go the annual party and trembling at the same time?
she lost the energy to open up her mouth to answer.
oh I’m sorry! I’m Johnny, senior year. I might sound creepy for not introducing myself first.”
it-it is okay. I thought about it, yeah. but I don’t think I’m going…” she said, more like she whispered. she was just as trembling as when he asked her.
he looked upset. “why?”
all of my friends decided to go with someone so.. yeah.”
he smiled and she swear it was the closest she ever saw him smiling, ten times more mesmerizing and the dimple on his left cheek just popped out, like asking to mess with her brain.
would you go with me?”
those words. she repeated and spell it out to make it easier to understand. those are simple words, but she was so dumbfounded she forgot how to interact normally.
Lisa?”
how do you know my name?”
he was startled. “I asked the librarian. I often saw you at the bench near the window. you read so many interesting books.”
oh..okay.”
so.. which one is okay?” he looked at her.
huh?”
so which one is okay? me asking the librarian about your name or going to the annual party with me?” he grinned, and really, that is the least thing he should had done in this condition because her heart was already a mess.
both, I guess.” she said, this time with a steady voice.
great! I wanna give you something to wear, you know, the corsage flower, but I left it at my house.”
did he just asked her to visit his house?!
I’ll give it to you, uh.. tonight?” he continued.
oh.
okay then. when?”
I’ll see you at seven.”

it was already 5 p.m when she finally found a dress that fit her taste. she rushed to her room and prepared for her best appearance. she never dated, not even once in her 16 years of living. this was going to be her first date–if going to school annual party could be considered as a date.

6 p.m.
she yelled again to her sister that she was going to the amusement park, and her sister didn’t even bother to reply, just like usual. she walked down the road with an ear-to-ear smile. was today a dream? she thought to herself. Johnny whom she had never even dream of giving her a smile asked her to go to the school annual party! she counted how many pretty girls from senior year are, and wondering why Johnny asked her instead of them.

6.50 p.m.
10 minutes to go. she waited anxiously. which direction did Johnny go after school today? she faced the opposite direction so that when he come, he has to call her name first and she can pull out her fake-shocked-but-laughing-prettily-face.

7.15 p.m.
he hadn’t come yet. would it be possible that he forgot their appointment?

7.20 p.m.
her cellphone rang–it’s Tris.
“go home.” the voice from the opposite said.
“what? why?”
“go home. he made fun of you. it was just a joke from the beginning. he was playing around with you. he lost a game and his friends forced him to ask a junior to go to the school annual party, and guess who? it was you. he chose you. not to literally go, but to pull out his disgusting joke.”
she didn’t answered the voice. she froze; her face turned pale in all sudden. she spaced out for a straight one minute, not knowing what to think–she was being too stupid or Johnny being ruthless, or both. she didn’t know that a high school crush could broke her heart into million pieces; she didn’t know what is worse and more pathetic: being fooled when she actually believe it or hoping that her friend was the one joking.
she ran across the school and went straight; not going home, but to the direction Johnny was going this afternoon. she would like to ask him herself, how does it feel to play with feelings? does it feel good? would he recommend her to do such a thing too? she ran and kept running until she saw a crowd. a sound of ambulance coming nearer. she slowed down a bit, wondering why the crowd made a round formation. she walked closer and  finally saw the center of the crowd: a guy with blood all over his head.
his body lied down and stood still; his eyes closed, his mouth shut.
and his name is Johnny.

***

10 a.m.
9 hours before.
“who’d you ask?” his group asked.
“her name is Lisa. Sophomore year.” he said with a smile.
his friend fussed around, “wow man what’s with the smile? do you really want to ask her?” 
“I lost the game, right?” his laugh followed by his group laughters.
“but I do really want to ask her, though.. despite the game.”
everyone was busy laughing, nobody heard his whisper except himself.


 

The Only One I

I’ve been waiting to take you here. There are so many places I wanna show you so be ready, this is just the start.

Let me spill you a story. I like oranges so much, be it a fruit or colour. And here, I can watch a sun which coloured orange when it’s about to set while drinking orange juice. Oh, don’t forget the sky and the sea look slightly orange because they reflect the sunlight. Beach makes me triple happy. I can breath orange here in every inch of this place. And today, today you make it more wonderful. I got a chance to take you here, after all my secret gazes the entire year. Today you complete my orange-freak feeling, with your orange veil covers your orange-ish cheeks. Today I found my new favourite. It is you. It will be orange and you from now on.

You are smiling, you smile a lot don’t you? I know it’s dark in my pocket, but don’t change your smile. You wouldn’t, would you? I’m glad I found you laying near the locker, after my tiring silent admiration. Now let’s go somewhere new.

PicsArt_08-06-02.38.43

Story: inspired by the song satellite-saltnpaper

Picture: shameless self-portrait