Yang menyedihkan ialah ketika sedih kita cenderung panik, dan akhirnya improvisasi itu mulai muncul. Improvisasi dalam keyakinan. Tujuannya sih mencari kebahagiaan. Tapi kita sering sekali juga lupa, bahagia sebenarnya buah dari taat pada keyakinan. Improvisasi dalam keyakinan; jalan menepis sedih yang menjerumuskan lebih jauh dalam kesedihan. Karena, ya, setan itu lebih sabar dari kita kadang-kadang. Mereka mampu menunggu, lama tak apa, sampai kita lengah dan kemudian merongrong dari dalam dengan hati-hati, pelan namun pasti.

Ibarat kata teman yang mengutip guru SMA, “kalau ‘alim ulama imannya naik turun, kalau orang macam kita ini hilang timbul.”

Tidak apa, toh Allaah tidak kemana-mana. Selalu ada waktu untuk kembali, meminta maaf, dan mengakui kita lemah karena sedih, dan kita sedih karena terlalu banyak berbuat dosa.


love and in love

suatu hari aku membaca sebuah artikel online, tentang cinta dan jatuh cinta. love and in love. beberapa orang menyatakan bahwa mereka mencintai pasangan mereka, tapi mereka tidak jatuh cinta. dalam artian, tentu saja mereka tidak ingin kehilangan pasangan masing-masing, hanya saja menjaga pasangan mereka tak terasa bagai letupan rasa senang.

dalam rumus jatuh cinta yang aku pahami, kita akan berusaha membahagiakan orang yang membuat kita jatuh cinta tersebut. setiap ia tersenyum terasa seperti epinefrin dalam tubuh, bikin semangat! sehingga usaha-usaha lain akan dilakukan, demi membuatnya tetap tersenyum, dan membuat kita tetap semangat. tapi, di dalam rumus yang aku pahami tadi berlaku juga masa expired. semakin lama, tanpa usaha apapun bahkan orang yang membuat kita jatuh cinta akan selalu tersenyum, sehingga perlahan usaha kita akan berkurang. kita jadi tahu, alasan ia tersenyum bukanlah usaha kita lagi, tapi kita sendiri. awalnya akan terasa membahagiakan, fakta bahwa kitalah sekarang alasannya tersenyum. namun seiring jalannya waktu, cinta tadi akan terbangun, tidak lagi terjatuh. dan, pada saat semua terasa hambar, kita baru akan menyadari, yang membuat semangat ialah usaha kita untuk membuatnya tersenyum, bukan senyumnya.

bayangkan ketika kita ditakdirkan terlahir dalam Islam, dalam jangka waktu berpuluh tahun tersebut, sudahkah kita jatuh cinta paga agama ini, lagi dan lagi, dan merasa selalu semangat menjalaninya?

jadi, mari jatuh cinta!

About the World

Dear Ailah, 

Assalamualaikum, pumpkin. Hope your day is brighter than your yellow skin.

If one day you ask me, why the world gotta be so tiring, I will answer the same no matter how old I am; what do you expect, sugar cube? Here let me tell you a story about a life I’m living under my 20.

Chasing dreams is collecting rocks, not golds. You wouldn’t amazed by it, yeah maybe a little, but you will suffer more. If we share the same dreams (I do not insist) you will know how frustating it is to not be able reading the electrocardiogram or lacking of skill to use minor sets. You will find it hard to remember all the chemistry, or mostly, everything ended with -gy. But a famous writer in my era said “pain are demand to be felt” and for His sake, honey, it is addictive. Just remember where do you want to go after you collect every rock, and build your own dynasty. If you find a love in the middle of your journey, put aside, a love He sent to you will come closer, if not, it might be only a trial. Just never keep the butterflies, when they die you’ll feel very upset. Let them fly, your heart will be so much lighter. You need to be beautiful, honey. You need to behave, and to be funny, and to be smart, and to be kind, as much as you try. For yourself. No need to impress other’s eyes. Perspectives are things you won’t understand, so just go on, show your silliness only to several people you know deep, it’s okay. But never look down on others, that’s the braveness. Your duty is to do everything as He wants you to, not what the world wants you to. Believe me, I was once a person who supported humanity with all my heart, the diversity must walk along. But I’m sure you’ll learn basic chemistry one day, honey, that some elements just don’t blend. Some of them, when they are combined, will explode, that’s the most extreme. Doesn’t mean I am anti-humanity now, dear. I don’t even know what will I think 2 months from now. But this verse keeps my mind straight “is the reward of good (anything) but good?” I’m a supporter of any kind of His order. That way, not everyone will like you, but, not everyone will like you too if you choose other way so why not?

Ailah, believe me or not, whilst writing this a notification popped up and it said “ayah of the day: while the Hereafter is better and more enduring.” There you go, Ailah. He answered you and my all time question.

In the World Where Existence Doesn’t Matter

he did all the prayers, but he never felt like those all were enough. the more he did the more he groaned for lacking of praying. he got the prettiest wife, with the most beautiful behaviour, yet he was afraid to show her to the world, not even on a picture, like she was a pearl under the deepest sea; his most precious jewel. he worked his hardest to get money, but he chopped it for the neighbor behind, for the widows and the orphans around the corner. he had electronics, he watched tv like almost every human being did, he surfed internet too. but the news never shook him right nor left, he stood still on what he was always taught; never say a word of what you don’t have the knowledge about.

in the world where existence doesn’t matter, he exists.