Grow Like A Sycamore

Assalamualaikum. How are you doing, pumpkin? It’s raining a lot in here every evening. I’m trying to maintain my health so you please be healthy too, do not catch a flu.
You know, Ailah, 2017 almost ends. Another year has passed, but I’m still the same. Same achievements, same skills, same characters. But I do learn a lot, I do observe a lot.
Ailah, you will hear these often when you grow up: Life is hard, Life isn’t always fun, Life is this and life is that. People will tell you how the world works. Just like what I heard in my teenage years, just like what they told me. I agreed for some parts, but I believe in my own opinion for other parts. Ailah, you do not have to be what the world tells you to. If one day you find someone belittle other because they have higher position, you don’t have to follow them. You don’t have to believe that is how the world works. You can create your own little world, where there are only you and your good deeds. You can try to change others, but, pumpkin, if that is harder than you think, you may just do it yourself. You may betray the tyranny. If at some point you become a senior in whatever field you choose, treat your junior like human, like they eat the same rice as you, like they breath the same oxygen as you, like they have people who cherish them as you do. If you are the junior, please treat them as your teacher, please understand them like your mother, please respect them as someone who lives longer. The world needs you, maybe not all of the continents, but maybe the world that belongs to someone you meet at the bus stop, maybe the world of children at the orphanages near your dorm, or maybe, it’s my world, or even your own world. You do not have to follow the rules of the world where everything needs to be classified, where you should be higher to achieve more, where you should be prettier to be recognized, where you should be superior to have anything comes to your shoes. No, pumpkin. Please build your own world. Please follow what is right, not what is usually done. Grow up, darling, like a sycamore tree. Grow higher, but also stronger, and be a shelter. For yourself, for people around you. I hope one day I can meet you and tell you more about what I learnt and observed.
Now have a warm cuddle with the stars. Till we meet again in my dream, pumpkin.


Rose Petals

As I look at the rose, Sky, I agreed today felt so warm because you looked beautiful in pink. Why so suddenly? Are you tired of red, or orange, or blue? Are you afraid of being too easy to read? But, Sky, you’ll always be the hardest thing to understand. And that isn’t something for me to do, you’re like a borrowed book from library; every one else’s.

In the end you’re the Sky, wide enough to cover the whole world, not only me.

And I’m thankful for that, I dreamt of you growing stronger.




suatu hari nanti, Langit

kamu tinggi sekali, hari ini

persis seperti dirimu dilain-lain waktu

kagumku terlepas

bagai balon terbang yang talinya terkelupas

maaf, untuk itu

kamu mungkin tidak sudi

mengapa tanah melirik-lirik sayu?

hanya saja aku malu

sekedar berbisik, “kamu hebat”

saja aku ragu

tapi kamu tinggi hari ini

sama seperti kamu dilain waktu

dan suatu hari nanti, Langit

mungkin aku berani

tersenyum dari bawah sini dan berkata,

“kamu hebat”

kamu selalu


About the World

Dear Ailah, 

Assalamualaikum, pumpkin. Hope your day is brighter than your yellow skin.

If one day you ask me, why the world gotta be so tiring, I will answer the same no matter how old I am; what do you expect, sugar cube? Here let me tell you a story about a life I’m living under my 20.

Chasing dreams is collecting rocks, not golds. You wouldn’t amazed by it, yeah maybe a little, but you will suffer more. If we share the same dreams (I do not insist) you will know how frustating it is to not be able reading the electrocardiogram or lacking of skill to use minor sets. You will find it hard to remember all the chemistry, or mostly, everything ended with -gy. But a famous writer in my era said “pain are demand to be felt” and for His sake, honey, it is addictive. Just remember where do you want to go after you collect every rock, and build your own dynasty. If you find a love in the middle of your journey, put aside, a love He sent to you will come closer, if not, it might be only a trial. Just never keep the butterflies, when they die you’ll feel very upset. Let them fly, your heart will be so much lighter. You need to be beautiful, honey. You need to behave, and to be funny, and to be smart, and to be kind, as much as you try. For yourself. No need to impress other’s eyes. Perspectives are things you won’t understand, so just go on, show your silliness only to several people you know deep, it’s okay. But never look down on others, that’s the braveness. Your duty is to do everything as He wants you to, not what the world wants you to. Believe me, I was once a person who supported humanity with all my heart, the diversity must walk along. But I’m sure you’ll learn basic chemistry one day, honey, that some elements just don’t blend. Some of them, when they are combined, will explode, that’s the most extreme. Doesn’t mean I am anti-humanity now, dear. I don’t even know what will I think 2 months from now. But this verse keeps my mind straight “is the reward of good (anything) but good?” I’m a supporter of any kind of His order. That way, not everyone will like you, but, not everyone will like you too if you choose other way so why not?

Ailah, believe me or not, whilst writing this a notification popped up and it said “ayah of the day: while the Hereafter is better and more enduring.” There you go, Ailah. He answered you and my all time question.


tenanglah, bunda

jika kudapati diriku menangis lagi karena rindu

akan kubuka pintu menuju teras tamu

ada selasar bambu disitu

tempatmu menyanyikanku sebuah lagu

bersimpuh diatasnya pasti mengusir sendu

engkau ceria, bunda

dan aku yakin aku pun begitu

tenanglah, bunda

kalau hidup menyapu raut wajahku pias

akan bercermin aku di depan kaca rias

dalam bayanganku mengalir darah wanita berkemauan keras

dengan imaji luas tanpa batas

melihat matamu dalam mataku tentu menumbuhkan senyum seulas

engkau kuat, bunda

semangatmu pasti besertaku selaras


Sejauh apa batas pemahamanmu tentang menetap? 

Apakah mengiringi tiap langkah itu menetap? 

Apakah mendengar keluh kesah itu menetap?

Lantas jika tidak dapat kaulihat senyumku, tidak dapat menenangkan letihmu suaraku, tidak dapat kaugenggam hangat tanganku

Apakah aku sudah tidak menetap? 

Ketahuilah, ketika definisimu tentangku adalah semu, ketika dalam bayangmu aku berupa udara bebas yang mustahil ditangkap

Aku menetap

Sebelum pergiku dalam doa yang tak pernah letih kupanjatkan agar selalu memelukmu

Aku menetap

Selepas pergiku sebagai kesatuan suka-duka kenangan yang mengendap dalam hatimu

Sending Back


I wrote to You a lot. Right after I woke up, right before I headed back to bed. I wrote to You everytime I felt happy, because I just wanted You to know. I wrote to You in tears, I needed You to feel the sadness that flooded with fear.
I wrote to You even though You were close.
I wrote to You because,
I fell in love with your love letters.

In health and sick,
Yours forever.