suatu hari nanti, Langit

kamu tinggi sekali, hari ini

persis seperti dirimu dilain-lain waktu

kagumku terlepas

bagai balon terbang yang talinya terkelupas

maaf, untuk itu

kamu mungkin tidak sudi

mengapa tanah melirik-lirik sayu?

hanya saja aku malu

sekedar berbisik, “kamu hebat”

saja aku ragu

tapi kamu tinggi hari ini

sama seperti kamu dilain waktu

dan suatu hari nanti, Langit

mungkin aku berani

tersenyum dari bawah sini dan berkata,

“kamu hebat”

kamu selalu


About the World

Dear Ailah, 

Assalamualaikum, pumpkin. Hope your day is brighter than your yellow skin.

If one day you ask me, why the world gotta be so tiring, I will answer the same no matter how old I am; what do you expect, sugar cube? Here let me tell you a story about a life I’m living under my 20.

Chasing dreams is collecting rocks, not golds. You wouldn’t amazed by it, yeah maybe a little, but you will suffer more. If we share the same dreams (I do not insist) you will know how frustating it is to not be able reading the electrocardiogram or lacking of skill to use minor sets. You will find it hard to remember all the chemistry, or mostly, everything ended with -gy. But a famous writer in my era said “pain are demand to be felt” and for His sake, honey, it is addictive. Just remember where do you want to go after you collect every rock, and build your own dynasty. If you find a love in the middle of your journey, put aside, a love He sent to you will come closer, if not, it might be only a trial. Just never keep the butterflies, when they die you’ll feel very upset. Let them fly, your heart will be so much lighter. You need to be beautiful, honey. You need to behave, and to be funny, and to be smart, and to be kind, as much as you try. For yourself. No need to impress other’s eyes. Perspectives are things you won’t understand, so just go on, show your silliness only to several people you know deep, it’s okay. But never look down on others, that’s the braveness. Your duty is to do everything as He wants you to, not what the world wants you to. Believe me, I was once a person who supported humanity with all my heart, the diversity must walk along. But I’m sure you’ll learn basic chemistry one day, honey, that some elements just don’t blend. Some of them, when they are combined, will explode, that’s the most extreme. Doesn’t mean I am anti-humanity now, dear. I don’t even know what will I think 2 months from now. But this verse keeps my mind straight “is the reward of good (anything) but good?” I’m a supporter of any kind of His order. That way, not everyone will like you, but, not everyone will like you too if you choose other way so why not?

Ailah, believe me or not, whilst writing this a notification popped up and it said “ayah of the day: while the Hereafter is better and more enduring.” There you go, Ailah. He answered you and my all time question.


tenanglah, bunda

jika kudapati diriku menangis lagi karena rindu

akan kubuka pintu menuju teras tamu

ada selasar bambu disitu

tempatmu menyanyikanku sebuah lagu

bersimpuh diatasnya pasti mengusir sendu

engkau ceria, bunda

dan aku yakin aku pun begitu

tenanglah, bunda

kalau hidup menyapu raut wajahku pias

akan bercermin aku di depan kaca rias

dalam bayanganku mengalir darah wanita berkemauan keras

dengan imaji luas tanpa batas

melihat matamu dalam mataku tentu menumbuhkan senyum seulas

engkau kuat, bunda

semangatmu pasti besertaku selaras


Sejauh apa batas pemahamanmu tentang menetap? 

Apakah mengiringi tiap langkah itu menetap? 

Apakah mendengar keluh kesah itu menetap?

Lantas jika tidak dapat kaulihat senyumku, tidak dapat menenangkan letihmu suaraku, tidak dapat kaugenggam hangat tanganku

Apakah aku sudah tidak menetap? 

Ketahuilah, ketika definisimu tentangku adalah semu, ketika dalam bayangmu aku berupa udara bebas yang mustahil ditangkap

Aku menetap

Sebelum pergiku dalam doa yang tak pernah letih kupanjatkan agar selalu memelukmu

Aku menetap

Selepas pergiku sebagai kesatuan suka-duka kenangan yang mengendap dalam hatimu

Sending Back


I wrote to You a lot. Right after I woke up, right before I headed back to bed. I wrote to You everytime I felt happy, because I just wanted You to know. I wrote to You in tears, I needed You to feel the sadness that flooded with fear.
I wrote to You even though You were close.
I wrote to You because,
I fell in love with your love letters.

In health and sick,
Yours forever.

One day

In Yogyakarta I learnt how people tend to care about each other. Even not all the people do, it gives me feels still.
In Bandung I learnt how friendship means forgiving. The girl’s sigh under the umbrella released my anger, I’ll keep these brats.
Bogor, well, I heard it is the city of rain. Does the sound of big city with cool breeze excite you? For me it does.
London, city made of art. The road, the buildings, but mostly, the literatures. If I could fall in love with voice, I’d fall for british accent first.
But, no matter how some places won my heart, no matter how bad I want to live there, the only place I wanna go every sunset, the only place I wanna crawl on when I’m too afraid to look up, is her lap.

I found love in the warmth of your skin.

Ik mis je. I miss you.


assalamualaikum warahmatullaahi wabarakatuh.

dear Ailah,

you know greeting with salam is so heartwarming because imagining someone to be in His embrace makes you smile. how powerful its meaning is. how can I just realise. and you should know. and shower me with it and shower it to the world. how could I fell in love with it? How can I just understand. greet me everytime you see me and greet every people you want to be with in His paradise.

dear Ailah,

read books. no, read good books. read good books that make you know who you are. you are tinier than the dust over the window. you are nothing. I tell you this, you are nothing so read more good books. and see the difference. feel the urge to change.

dear Ailah,

know that hearts are softer than your blanket. know your tongue is sharper than your father’s knife. know that when your tongue scratch someone’s heart, it’s not them who will be hurt. it is you who will hurt the most. no lie.

dear Ailah,

if it’s so hard for you to understand the point of this writings, note my words that nothing makes sense at 3 a.m. but you can always think about everything, and even when it doesn’t makes sense, listen to your own self talking. it’s the truth.

dear Ailah,

I’ll tell you more about good books, and how it makes me love salam so much I’m starting to falling for it each day, and how it saddens me at the same time and feeling sorry for myself.

later, Ailah. it’s enough for this time.

wassalamualaikum warahmatullaahi wabarakatuh.